I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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