I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
