I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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