just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
