planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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