at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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