Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
