Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
