I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
