Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
