i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
