i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
