he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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