Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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