I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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