he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
