Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
