No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
