it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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