$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think people are normalizing furries
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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