I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
