So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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