Already got asked if we're dating
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
