I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
