please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
