he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
