Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He passed out mid-signature
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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