Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
