shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Are we still banned from the library?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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