Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
