sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
