It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
