Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
be right there i have to get my cape
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
