wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
