I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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