If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
