I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
