is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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