so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
