PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She's the barista slut.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
