what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
