I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
