Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
