Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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