Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
