I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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