____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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