Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
