I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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