the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You did what with his pubic hair?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
